The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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