true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
