Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How naked do you want me to be?
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