If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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