This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
