Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize