lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
