i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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