I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
