I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
