Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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