But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
