I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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