Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
