You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry about my life...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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