I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
