East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
