would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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