I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
