dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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