3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize