So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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