Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
