Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
