Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
