4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
