I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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