to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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