Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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