My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
