Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need water and some morals
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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