Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
