We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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