Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got inside last night via doggy door
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
