I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
