Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
