I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
only if we run a train.
done.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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