I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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