why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
