we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
