maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
