i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
