she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
