Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
