Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to make out with him forever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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