I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
