I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
