Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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