ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
