I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
