OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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