just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
