between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
