Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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