you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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