i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
