then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
