I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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