well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
