I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
