Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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