So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
