I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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