so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
