I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
