Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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