I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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