remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
