Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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