am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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