I've blown a few things in my day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
