Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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