great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
