I just pynch a tree in the face
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
