If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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