I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
