and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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