this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
