So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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