So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am midnight drunk by noon
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
