Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
