woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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