how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
